This week, I’d like to share my experience of getting started actually coaching someone else for the very first time.
I’ve shared this story before here, but a lot of folks have joined since then!
And it bears repeating, because a lot of library leaders share some of the same fears that I had.
So I hope that this reassures you that you don’t have to wait until you feel like a fully competent coach to start practicing at least a little bit of this!
I’ll drop a quick reminder here that if you want additional support in learning coaching skills and actually starting to practice coaching in a small, supportive group environment, registration is still open for the Summer Intensive session of Lead With Curiosity: Coaching skills for library leaders! The early bird discount deadline is coming up on May 15.
For a limited time, you can also get in on a couple of bonuses:
- Early birds will also get the Cultivate Curiosity mini-course for free.
- The first 10 people to complete their enrollment (pay in full) will get an additional 6 months (Nov 2025 - Apr 2026) of support. You’ll get free invitations to join once-a-month check-in sessions for program alumni. These monthly Zoom sessions give you an accountability check point as well as a chance to meet participants from past cohorts and get help working through any sticky situations that come up as you practice coaching more regularly.
Getting started
When I enrolled in my coach training program, I learned a lot in the classes.
In theory, I was excited to lean into this new field.
In practice, though, I was intimidated!
It’s one thing to talk about what this coaching would look like, but a whole other experience to actually do it.
What if I do it all wrong?
What if I look completely incompetent?
What if I ask leading questions or get into some topic that I don’t know anything about?
In my program, classes met for an hour each week via zoom. Every one of those instructors encouraged us to work with a “learning partner” outside of class to discuss the content and start actually practicing, but as an introvert who is not particularly outgoing, I was hesitant.
And then one of those instructors just assigned partners and stated a clear expectation that we meet outside of class time.
My “learning partner” in that class was someone who had way more experience than I had. They were further along in the program, and worked in a job where they were responsible for coaching middle managers. While this was intimidating, it was also helpful, because they were over the fear of jumping into actually practicing, and had the confidence to give me the nudge that I needed.
And so, I tried actually putting my academic understanding of coaching into practice with this person.
This first coaching session wound up being about a parenting issue.
Now, I don’t have kids. I don’t even have any significant amount of experience helping out with nieces and nephews. What do I know about parenting?
I’ve been aiming for gender neutral language for anonymity, but it’s relevant now that she was a mom to a teenage son. Our discussion started with how she could maintain a connection with him despite busy schedules. The easiest time to find time together was around preparing and eating breakfast, but she didn’t like the idea of inviting him to learn to cook with her.
That session was really hard.
I don’t have experience with parenting, but I do have strong opinions about gender balances in housework!
My feminist brain was screaming that BOYS NEED TO LEARN TO COOK JUST AS MUCH AS GIRLS DO!!!
But coaching is about helping the client reach a solution that works for them, even if that wouldn’t be what the coach would do.
(It feels like managerial coaching complicates this, since you’re responsible for making sure your team members reach certain outcomes. But the best times for coaching are those times when it doesn’t matter how they get there, as long as they do get there.)
So I had a LOT of room for improvement after that first attempt at coaching!
That said, you may be surprised to hear that, even though I don't know much about parenting, I was doing pretty well until I thought I had a brilliant idea for a solution.
Coaching emphasizes staying curious and asking questions, and that's how I started!
But then, I let my ideas about what she should do derail my curiosity, and shifted from coaching into problem-solving mode. And the solution that I thought was brilliant was a no-go for her.
I've put in a lot of hours of practice since then, but I'll always be thankful for that nudge to just do it for the first time.
My challenge for you
One of the sayings that a former colleague used to repeat regularly was “the perfect is the enemy of the good” - meaning that worrying too much about perfection can get in the way of doing something that would make a positive difference.
My challenge for you this week is to just find one excuse per day to pause and spend at least 30 seconds questioning your assumptions before you jump to give advice.
❓What context are you assuming but don’t know for sure?
❓What questions could you ask to help clarify what is really going on in this situation?
And if you're already doing that much regularly, what's one small step you can take to put even more of this coaching approach into practice?
And, for those who accept this challenge, I’d love to hear from you about how it goes!