The main topic for this week is managing up, but first, I want to acknowledge a huge elephant in the room.

It has been a pretty somber week here in Lisbon, Portugal. Every person I’ve talked with has asked how on earth Americans could re-elect that fascist.* They’re scared about how US policies are going to affect the whole world for the next however many years.

And that’s just the sentiment from a distance.

I know it's much scarier for those who live in the US and who will be among the first under attack.

​Libraries never have been and never will be neutral.

It just became more important than ever to build skills to work under the radar to support equity in our workplace and support those who will be under attack in January (and realistically already are under attack in many areas).

And now, moving on to managing up!

I had a conversation recently that I wish I could have recorded to share with you!

It opened with the person looking for ideas on how to “manage up” more effectively.

Of course I responded with an open-ended question about what’s going on for them.

They’re relatively new in their current position - still learning the organizational quirks and the lore about the legacy toxicity in their unit.

When they come across a situation they need to deal with, they’ll have some ideas about how to proceed, but want to get a second opinion. They want to check in to see whether there’s some information they need but don’t have yet. Or they know that there’s some history that they haven’t learned yet that will affect the outcomes.

If you think back to your first year or two in a new position, I’m guessing you had a few experiences like that, too. This seems like a great idea, but I don’t want to step on any land mines, like triggering a reaction that only makes sense within the context of what some super toxic leader did 5 years ago, so let me get a second opinion!

So they bring the situation to their boss, who just immediately jumps to “here’s what you do…”

And that makes them feel like their boss doesn’t trust them to have any ideas of their own.

And their boss has a more directive style, while they prefer a more facilitative approach. So the solution that’s presented is not in line with how they were hoping to handle the situation.

Now they feel like they have to follow instructions on a solution that’s not in alignment with their values.

But they still need to be able to check in for the information and background that they’re still learning!

So how do they get what they actually need from this boss who wants to be supportive, but whose impact doesn’t always match their intentions?

At this point in our conversation, I shared that they sound just like my sales pitch for Leading with Purpose 😂

That led into a discussion about why bosses so often jump to just giving a solution like that:
🔸 They want to be helpful in the way that we’ve been trained to be helpful AND
🔸 They want a quick resolution because they have a lot on their plate.

Keeping those motives in mind, we discussed changing the way they open those conversations.

Instead of starting with “here’s the situation I’m dealing with…”, they’re going to try opening those conversations with “here’s what I need. Do you have time to talk through this?”

Why does this work?

When you coach someone, you start with some questions to help get a better understanding about what the real challenge is. Just like when you’re doing reference, the first question they ask is often just the surface level of a deeper challenge. After you get clear on what the real challenge is, you ask what they need to get out of this conversation to move forward with a solution. And then you proceed from there.

When you need to be coached by someone who hasn’t learned these skills, then you move your response to that central question - what do you need to get out of this conversation? - to the very beginning of the conversation.

That helps the person you’re talking with, because you're giving them the answer to how they can best support you. They don’t need to come up with a solution, because you’re not asking for a solution. You’re just asking for them to check your work and fill in information gaps. Or you just want to make sure they’ll support your approach. Or you just need a sounding board. Or whatever.

Getting right to the point with “here’s what I need” also respects their time. If your boss literally has only 2 minutes before they have to hop into a zoom call with their boss, then you know that they don’t have the capacity right now to talk through the situation in the way that you need. So instead of having them sling a quick solution at you, the quick solution in the moment is to schedule time later for the conversation you want to have.

How is this resonating for you?

Have you tried an approach like this? If so, how did it work out?

What else has worked for you to get the support you need from your boss?

I’d love to hear your responses!

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∗ It has only been 50 years since Portuguese people overthrew a fascist dictator. When they talk about fascism, it comes from lived experience. And listening to their perspectives is frightening.